A tale of two Hogwarts
by Amy Emmy Peel
Summary: Hogwarts gets over crowded, and it gets moved to a shopping mall... very silly


  


A tale of two Hogwarts  
**By Amy and Emmy Peel**  


McGonagall: Attention! Attention! All fourth through 18th years are officially moving to the middle of the gigi-mall, the 11th wonder of the world.  
  
Dumbledore: There is the widest variety of foods and drinks you can imagine.  
  
Emmy: NONONONONONONONONO! You're SUPPOSED to say: I'm afraid that, since the refreshment section is under construction (as it will be for the next 1050 years) all you have to eat is bath beads and all you can drink is pearberry shampoo, thanks to Bath and Body Works.  
  
McGonagall: And, since we cannot manage 2 schools at once, here is our list of teachers for HogPimples (which is the name of the school).  
Headmaster: Voldemort  
Deputy headmistresses: Alanna and Elaina (different deputies later)  
DATDA teacher: Hedwig  
Transfiguration: Filch  
Astronomy: Mrs. Norris  
Herbology: Whomping Willow  
Charms: Crookshanks  
Divination: Mrs. Crystal Balle  
Muggle Studies: Dudley  
Care of Magical Creatures: Cornish Pixies  
Study of Ancient Runes: Muggle-Wump  
Potions: Snape's Little Black Bottle  
**  
A/N: If we forgot any classes, tell us in the review. If we forgot any classes, they don't have to take them, and they get 200%. Good**.  
_  
EVERYONE (4TH THROUGH 18TH YEARS) MOVE TO HOGPIMPLES_.  
Once they're there...  
Harry-::bubbles coming out his nose:: AAAARG! I ate that STUPID SHAMPOO!!!!  
  
Hermione: Honestly, the way Elaina and Alanna run things, we'll never get anything done!!!  
  
Ron: That's the point, HERMIONE! Do you actually want to get things done? The point is, since we're fourth years, we SHOULDN'T get stuff done. ::sighs:: You'll NEVER get it, Hermione.  
  
Hermione: Let's impeach them!!!!!!!!!! Kick them out!!!!!!!!!!!! Elect a new Deputy Headmaster/Headmistress! Start a petition!!!!!!!!!!!! Even Cornish Pixies would be better than THIS!!!  
  
Pixi: Humph! People ALWAYS abuse my name!!  
  
Hermione: NOT YOU! CORNISH pixies.  
  
Pixi: Oh, sorry. ::looks meek:: Bye, my adoring followers! Bye, my adoring fans! ::blows kisses to Hermione and Hermione and Hermione and Ron:: As an after thought: ::blows kisses to Harry too::  
  
Cornish Pixies: (in unison) WE'LL TAKE THE JOB!  
  
Hermione: NO!!!!!!!!!!!! ::kicks them out::   
  
Harry: (grinning) be careful what you wish for, Hermione!!  
  
Hermione: OH NO!!! What did I do?????!??!?!? ::starts to sob:: I miss Dumbledore and my DARLING Gilderoy Lockhart!!! BOO HOO! ::pulls out get-well-card from 2nd year and starts to cry all over again:: ::smears card:: ::cries harder:: ::Floods Bath and Body Works:: ::Gets kicked out:: ::cries even harder::   
  
Harry: It's a vicious cycle.   
  
Snapea Claus: HEE HEE HEE HEE! Jolly laughter is my thing!!!!!! Try a Shasta Creme Soda! Low on caffeine. HIGH on BUBBLES!!! Starts to laugh all over again when bubbles come out his nose, but he gets the laugh all wrong:: HEO HEO HEO HEO HEO!!!!! HEO HEO HEO!   
  
Alanna: We aren't fooled. Duh. Honestly! Get out! ::pulls off beard and Snape is revealed.   
  
Snape: Arg! The jig is up! How dare you? ::Lunges at Alanna::  
  
Alanna: Looks daggers at Snape   
  
::dagger pierces "Snapea Claus"::  
**Silence Falls.   
Emmy and Amy break silence by frantically dialing Emma Peel/Steed's Number.  
Silence is picked up, and is glued together again.**  
  
Amy & Emmy: Arg! All this is going wrong! Ack! You KILLED HIM! How could you? Alanna, We're kicking you out, along with Elaina! YOU PLOTTED THIS! HOW COULD YOU? YOU KILLED SNAPEA CLAUS!!!   
  
Hermione (snidely) There IS no Santa Claus. HA. I learned that from Dudley. He said that his Mum and Dad gave him his presents.  
  
Harry: Dudley is a jerk. How could you learn something from Dudley?!!?!?!?!?!?!? Gimme a break.  
  
Emmy and Amy: Mrs. Peel?! Where AARE you? We NEEEEEEED YOU! Now would be a good time!  
  
Cornish pixies arrive in the trunk of Mrs. Peel's cool car.   
  
Mrs. Peel: I brought Cornish Pixies! They would make excellent Deputy Headmistresses and Headmasters.   
  
Elaina tries to stop her, but it's too late. She takes Alanna and Elaina away to teach them how to be Cornish Pixies. (Out of the Cornish Pixi handbook, Ye Pixies of Olde)  
  
All: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, MRS PEEL! How can we ever repay you?  
  
Mrs. Peel: You can all take Karate and Judo and Tai-Kwan-Do and all of the other martial arts.  
  
Pixi: TAAAAAAAAI-CHEEEEEEEEEEEE::moves arm slowly in a hai-e-to from left to right::  
  
All: GO AWAY! LEAVE US ALONE! WE NEED TO STUDY!  
  
Pixi: Study? You don't even have a school!  
  
All: (look menacing)  
  
Pixi: OKOKOKOK! I'm leaving! All in good time!!!!!!!!!  
  
All: (Look more menacing) WE DON'T HAVE GOOD TIME! WE WANT YOU TO LEAVE NOW!  
  
Pixi: Okokokokok! ::madly apparates and ends up in the Dursley's Living Room.  
  
Emmy and Amy: Well, what comes next?  
  
Amy: I KNOW! ::sudden inspiration::   
  
Emmy: Types Furiously  
McGonagall: Attention! Attention! We have finished a new wing on   
Hogwarts, and have placed a plasticizing spell on it so it will look like plastic. We will be passing out comment sheets for you to state your opinions on the new wing. In the meanwhile, it will stay plastic.  
  
All: cheers  
  
_All move back to Hogwarts and live happily ever after_  
  
Pixi comes on: NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
**Disclaimer: ::everyone groans:: ALMOST everything belongs to J.K. Rowling except Pixi, who belongs to herself (the annoying little creature) ; Apparating into the Dursley's living room belongs to Alanna and Elaina, Alanna and Elaina, who belong to themselves,( I hope) Amy and Emmy belong to themselves until further notice; Shasta creme Soda belongs to Shasta Creme Soda, Mrs. Peel belongs to A&E/Avengers, Steed Ditto, Bath and Body Works Pearberry shampoo and bath beads belong to B&BW, Muggle-Wump belongs to Roald Dahl; Giga-Mall 11th wonder of the world belongs to us, HogPimples belongs to us, the plasticized version of Hogwarts belongs to us, Mrs. Crystal Balle belongs to us, Silence falls, Silence is broken, silence is glued together again belongs to us, Now would be a good time belongs to us/Alanna, Snapea Claus belongs to us, the TAAAI CHEEEEEEEE joke belongs to us... ::everyone falls asleep:: THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!!!! ::everyone cheers::  
**


End file.
